Read time: 3 min

And Another Thing…

With sincere apologies to Don McLean and anyone who likes the song “American Pie”…sing along if you like.

Long, long time ago,
I can still remember,
How that dream used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
that I could get the hell out of here and learn to dance
or maybe play golf for a while

But February made me shiver,
When my pension plan was delivered,
Bad news on the ground,
I was short a million pounds,
I can’t remember if I cried,
When I read the summary inside,
But something touched me deep inside,
The day my retirement plan died.

So bye, bye, my retirement plan,
I was meant to be long gone but I’m short a few grand,
I’ll keep on pushing but I know it’s a lie,
And I’ll be doing this until the day that I die,
Doing this until the day that I die.

Did you write the investment plan?
And did you think you could get me on those sands?
Taking in the sun and Sangria
And did you buy banking stocks?
That took my shoes and then my socks
And did you make my money grow real slow?

Well I know you’re feeling sorry for me
‘cause you told me a lie and let me bleed,
my money’s up the wall,
I’m working here for a few years more

Well I was a lonely Cable guy,
With a penchant for selling and humble pie,
But I knew I was out of luck
And you…you couldn’t give a damn

I started singing,
bye, bye, my retirement plan,
I was meant to be long gone but I’m short a few grand,
I’ll keep on pushing but I know it’s a lie,
And I’ll be doing this ‘til the day that I die,
Doing this ‘til the day that I die.

Now for ten years I’ve been on my own
And I’ve grown fatter – hit twenty stone
But that’s not how it used to be,
When I made Cable in up to three,
I thought I would be on the beach by the time I was fifty
‘til a voice came from you to me

Oh, Colin I need to talk about your pension plan
Your ex-wife’s done you for seven hundred grand,
You’ve done your boots and more
You need to work for ten years more
while others see their dreams fulfilled
I am stuck here in this muddy field
Singing dirges in the dark
The day, my retirement plan died

We were singing
bye, bye, my retirement plan,
I was meant to be long gone but I’m short a few grand,
I’ll keep on pushing but I know it’s a lie,
And I’ll be doing this ‘til the day that I die,
Doing this ‘til the day that I die.

Helter skelter, in a summer swelter
Whatever happened to my fallout shelter?
A million short and fading fast
I sit here crying on the grass
When I thought I would be on the beach
I’m on the 6.45 from Liverpool Street

Now the pension man was sorry as hell
When he told me what I already knew well
I’d done my boots and more
Oh how I feel sore,
Sitting here in this field
‘cause my investments didn’t earn enough yield
I recall what was revealed
The day my retirement plan died

And they were singing
bye, bye, my retirement plan,
I was meant to be long gone but I’m short a few grand,
I’ll keep on pushing but I know it’s a lie,
And I’ll be doing this until the day that I die,
Doing this until the day that I die.

They were singing
bye, bye, my retirement plan,
I was meant to be long gone but I’m short a few grand,
I’ll keep on pushing but I know it’s a lie,
And I’ll be doing this until the day that I die,
Doing this until the day that I die.

Yes, you are all fortunate that I only have the short version on my iPod and yes, it is my 50th birthday and I should be retiring today…where did it all go so wrong????

colin_lambert@profit-loss.com

Profit & Loss

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